Frequently Asked Questions

Question
Like why?

Answer
Sometimes there just is really no good answer. Sometimes you just gotta do whatcha gotta do.

Question
Are you guys nerds? I em'd this girl in the office one of your xcuses, and she said the freaks that thought up this kind of weird shit were "nerds on crack."

Answer
Well, we do have nerds on our staff. Pre (shown at right making a feeb attemp to be ultra-cool) certainly qualifies cum laude. But I know he's not on crack 'cause Podophile and JukeyDuke tried to score some off him and Pre said only uses legal substances, at least during those times he can remember what substances he's doing.

Guy is not a nerd, unless he's in denial, because he likes to give nerds wedgies and wet-willies and other stuff jocks think are cool to do to people smarter than them.

Noni isn't. She's more of a Nerd-Fantasy. Yo is a webgoddess and the reincarnation of one of Nippon's most famous Samurai warriors, so she doesn't quite qualify.

Let's see in terms of our board of misdirectors, Colonel Patton Lee Beaugus, our official mascot, is too old to be a nerd, and before helping us start up, he was underground-club sales rep for a supplier of intimate party toys.

Question
How did you get started? Did you lose a bet or something?

Answer
Something. This whole web-thing started when Colonel Paddy and Yo and her Samurai Biker Club ended up in a Bangkok jail for trying to buy a 16 year old slave for Paris, because Lindsay bet her she couldn’t do it. This was after Paddy'd picked the bitches up in Puffy’s club where they forced Yo to demonstrate Paddy’s toys on them in the bathroom, and uh, then after a flight on Paris’ Concorde where the Samurai Bikers demo’d them toys all flight long, and our krewe figured they were pretty much deserving of the next slots on Righteous Hipster Hall of Fame.

After they got busted, and because the bitches pretended they didn’t know Paddy or Yo when the Bangcock cops grabbed 'em, everybody lost their jobs. And two of the Samurai Bikers lost their citizenship.

That’s when Yo decided to start the xcuse2party website.

So Yo went to Uncle Giuseppe who is a capo (but not the tootie-capo) in the GalMauro Crime Family for the startup bucks. And for free rent for an office space The Family owns in Alphabet City above their speakeasy nightclub where we still see Paris and Lindsay, but they won't talk to us.

So to answer your other question, does all that sound like we're nerds? Fckyes, we’re nerds, you lubricated, ribbed one! But we don't use crack. Not often enough to count, anyway.

Question
How do you come up with all these party ideas?

Answer
Uncle Giuseppe gets pssed when we get behind on xcuses (and the vig), and he comes over and gives us a speech about how "the GalMauro Crime Family don't have no investments that don't pay off."   Then he makes us listen to this old cd of Eddie Murphy singing "Party All The Time" until we have enough ideas for the next week. It's painful, but it works.

Question
Can I get a gig on your staff?

Answer
All positions are open. Email us a sample of what you can do for us. But if your rez falls into Pre's hands, don't believe him if he says that to get the job you have to sleep with him. Only the dumbest people ever sleep with the Writer.

Question
Don't you think your site is demeaning to women?

Answer
Yo can explain why it is more demeaning to men who are demeaning to women. Except for exploiting Noni, which is what an intern is for. Yo believes this site's sometimes outrageous content demonstrates just what sexist, misogynist, porcine bozos guys are. Yo calls them Lustpuppies.

Yo is big on Japanese philosophy and calligraphy and swords and Kung Fu movies. She believes the first step in changing oneself is understanding oneself.  The xcuse2party site exposes guys' cavalier attitudes in a manner that engenders laughter. She considers that each time a person laughs at the crudities on this site, their laughter shows them and all around them just what is wrong with them.

Uh, well, okay... yeah, I guess we are demeaning women. But we also demean whites, guidos, blacks, jews, christians, muslims, spics, micks, shiskas, New Yorkers, Texans, transvestites, George W. Bush, YouTube. and metrosexual guys who wear ties to work. In conclusion, we'd just like to say, fckem if they can't take a joke. And the horse Big n Rich rode in on, whose name is LeRoy.

Question
These aren't real questions, are they? You just made them up, didn't you?

Answer
Guilty. We know making up these questions isn't right and we are available for punishment. And we're ready for it whenever you are. Wherever you want us. We can bring our own handcuffs!