Sunday October 18
The South Will Get It Up Again!
Dig Your Rebel Yell Outta The Closet. It's a Redneck Double-Header. On October 18, 1767, the Mason-Dixon Line was established separating the damn Yankees from the good old South. And in 1925, the Grand Ole Opry radio show premiered in Nashville, Tennesse. So form your pickup trucks in a circle and crank up the same old country radio station and let's get our yee-haws a'hawin'.
Beer de jour: Pabst Blue Ribbon, Bubba. Or if PBR ain't available, Bubba, how about Shiner or Jax. whatever is cheapest at the Connie's Superette where your Mom worked when she let you rob it as a 14th birthday present.
Real drinks: Depthcharge for the good olds. Alabama Slammers for the little ladies. And Strip And Go Naked when Cousin Heather gets a mite rowdy and takes off her top to relive how she danced on the bar at her wedding reception.
Party Favors: should be created in a basement laboratory by the neighborhood biker gang and have a name like Iron Mike's Crystal Zoom
Grub: menu should include Slim Jims, pork rinds, and the GuyGrub Guy's Sloppy Joes, Fried Twinkies and if you're feeling adverturesome, Aunt Cousin Jody's Jello Surprize Mold
Singalong Tunes: from our Country Jukeboxes like "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy," or "It's Alright To Be A Redneck," Gretchen's "Redneck Woman," Diffie's "John Deere Green"or Garth's classic "I've Got Friends In Low Places" Or if 'n your feeling you need some western to balance all the country, how about Willie and Toby wailing "Whiskey For My Men, Beer For My Horses!" A good one for your dance contest is "Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off"
Male Attire: DeKalb Seedcorn ballcap, mullet cuts, Marlboros rolled up in the sleave of your green "Runs Like A Deer" t-shirt, dirty old jeans, and steel toed engineers boots just in case somebody needs a right good stompin'
Female Attire: Cowboy hats, short-short cutoffs, tight t-shirt or K-Mart blouse rolled up to show your spare tire, with either red cowboy boots or rhine-stone-covered fckme pumps. Accessorize with bling bought in Vegas or a National Park. If you want to go neuvo-upclass, just wear whatever Brittany is in her latest stupid escapade.
Contests: Spittin, pissin, two-step dancin, and maybe a tattoo contest that ain't bout how good the tat is, but best story that goes with it.

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All thru October
Oktoberfest
A month of beer beer beer? Ja wohl. And you are already behind the Germans! Yawohl!
The real Oktoberfest in Munich officially started already. It started pouring on the third Saturday in September and will end on Friday night, October 30 at 10.30 pm precisely. But basically you can start Octoberfest now and keep hoisting until Halloween.
Key Worden: Bringen Sie bitte, ein glass bier!  Wollen Sie schlaffen mit mir, liebchen? The first phrase will get you beer. The second will probably get you kicked in the knuts.
Dress-Up: Traditional German garb like leiderhosen, drindle dresses, SS uniforms, whips, and leather cavalry boots, etc.
German Grub: Brats, und Wiener Schnitzel, und German Potato Salad, und pretzels und sauerkraut
Oktoberfest Up Your Music Mix: Sneak in polka numbers until you get death threats, then as many beer drinking songs as you can you can take, and then back to whatever you would have played if you didn't love making everyone nuts with old-time music.